“Beta tayar ho jao, tumhay koi dekhnay araha hai.” – I used to dread these words. Every time my mother came up to me and said this, I’d cringe. She was convinced there’s something wrong with me and that’s the reason they can’t find a suitable match. My dad was totally against the whole thing, he would argue with my mother and say “Abi toh is ne Oxford University jaana hai parhnay!” (I wanted to go to fashion school, LOL!)
I’m the youngest of five siblings, by the time I was in university, my brothers and sisters were all married and had kids. My cousins were getting married left right and centre (no pressure there!!). I couldn’t care less, I was enjoying university, being a normal 20 year old, loving my carefree life. My mother on the other hand wanted to marry me off as soon as possible, all because of my aunts, you know how it is in our Desi Culture, everyone likes getting into your business. They would go up to my mother and say things like:
- Age zyada ho jaye gi koi nai shaadi karay ga – I was only 20!
- Log baatein karein ge- Log = Aunts
- Haw! Is ke rishtay kyun nai arahay?
- Zaroor koi chakkar hai!!
- Hum dhoondtay hain koi rishta!
The list is too long! Every time a proposal came, I was asked to dress up literally like an hour before and was expected to go meet aunties, serve them food (not made by me!) and just sit there in a corner while these aunties would analyse and judge me and eventually just conveniently disappear. No phone calls, not even a “Thank You for your hospitality.”
Can you imagine how horrible that feels? I felt like I’m ugly, not good enough for their sons (who I haven’t even seen or met!) I’d cry for hours. Sometimes it would be a 40 year old guy, sometimes it would be a guy living off his parents, the funniest was when a proposal came and the guy called me up and said “I’m not interested in you, I have a beautiful Girlfriend.” A mutual contact with one such family said “They are looking for someone taller, more beautiful.” How insensitive can you guys be? It affected my badly, I became under-confident, lost all interest in socialising and accepted the fact that I’m just NOT good enough.
Why do we (girls) have to go through this? What do people get out of this? I can never understand. You go to see someone’s daughter like its not a big deal, would you like it if someone did the same to yours? You don’t bring your sons with you because they belong to the Royal Family. You’re constantly praising how smart and handsome your sons are. You go to someone’s house like you’re going to an all you-can-eat buffet, stuff yourselves and just…Leave. When will this change? Someone needs to speak up and put an end to the way this whole rishta thing works. I’m not saying everyone’s bad, there are some really nice people out there. But that’s only like 5% ….exceptional cases.
As for me I’m happily married (Alhumdulillah) but even today the thought of “Rishtay Waali Aunties” makes me want to puke!
Put an end to this madness, treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Shaadi isn’t a solution to everything. Don’t pressurise your sons or daughters if they aren’t ready. Its a big decision which should be left to them entirely. Live and let live!
Girls, Don’t let anyone make you feel any less. You’re beautiful no matter what they say. Don’t let these aunties get to you. Such people are not worth your time! Stay beautiful !!
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